dear diary #4: sobriety is sexy!
4.2.25
dear diary,
i’m all for a cheeky cocktail once in a while, a girls' night champagne, or a celebratory drink, but for my sake, and for the sake of the big, big dreams i’m chasing, casual drinking is now a thing of my past.
A: i’m trying to save close to $10,000 by the end of the year.
B: i. hate. hangxiety.
C: i want to break the cycle.
i become someone i don’t recognize after too many drinks. you’re thinking, “uhhhh zoe, we all do after one too many.” but no. i am someone totally different—emotional and belligerent. so i’m done. period.
i don’t want to go out every weekend. i don’t want to spend $100 on well tequila shots when i have a $100 car payment due. i don’t want to collect friends to party with like they’re pokémon. watch what this one can do! he gets so drunk he gets handsy and inappropriate! and her! she gets so drunk she does cocaine! and i’m lame, a flake, and not a real friend because this isn’t my lifestyle. i try to be nice to everybody i meet, and maybe i’m quick to judge, but i’m not interested in an invite to dirty sixth. excluding me won’t piss me off—it will relieve me completely. and when i see the pics online of that night, and the digital footprint you decided to leave behind, i won’t be jealous. i’ll be thankful that i woke up comfortable and out $0.
but zoe, you’re young, you’re 22 for god's sake! party and be wild and waste all your time and money because who cares! who cares about your wellness, your goals, your weird family history with alcohol? seriously, who cares?
i care. me, i do. i have zero interest in personifying this lifestyle online, pretending to be someone i’m not, enjoying something i’m not, and spending the money i don’t have. i want to feel my absolute best every day and treat my body like the sacred vessel it is to me. it gets me through every day, and i’ve gotta count my blessings. keeping my mind sharp is important to me, and for my craft. plus, leaving behind hangxiety, moonface, and overall depression from alcohol sounds reaaaaal good to me.
in fact, i feel sexier already.
zoe
