the reality of being a bi-woman in a straight relationship.
I came out to my family when I was 16 years old as bisexual. I was lucky enough to be accepted the way I was, with open arms, and inevitably, answered a lot of questions.
I started dating my ex-girlfriend during high school, and we lasted about a year after graduation. During this time, I identified as a lesbian, and strictly so. Even before that relationship, I had my fair share of lesbian situationships & loved it. I loved the experimentation & this newfangled role I had found for myself within myself. I knew this was a part of who I was and I wore that badge proudly.
me at 17, CLEARLY confused.
Even though I had been in straight relationships before, I always knew something was different about me. There was another side of me I needed to explore. And for a long time, I was content with that one label. But how could I ignore the feelings and love I knew I had experienced with past boyfriends, although not all good, still love nonetheless.
me at 19, free from labels, and single!
Once I had this revelation, I knew that I could not confine myself to one label, or really any label for that fact. I wanted to fall in love with whomever I wanted, if it felt right. I realized it never mattered to me what their gender was.
I was 19 when I came to terms fully with this. I was out of a heavy relationship, finding myself and single. Looking back at it, now almost 21 years old, I am so happy that everything happened to me the way it did. The friendships I lost were the hardest part of losing my past life. But that's the thing about growing; sometimes you grow faster than your peers. I'm still coming to terms with that today.
ANYWAYS-
I'm now 20, & more secure in myself and my identity than I've ever been, & constantly working on myself to be better than my past self. I'm dating a wonderful man, who's showing me a gentle and forgiving love. A love that knows no labels or boundaries, and that doesn't require a fight to settle things.
With my newfound happiness came a slew of questions. Will I still be accepted in queer spaces? How will I deal with people assuming that I'm straight, simply because of my partner's gender?
Bi people in the LGBTQ community exist in a gray area, while simultaneously ridiculed for either being greedy, not “gay enough” or not existing at all.
I experience straight passing privilege. You can look at my partner and I and not assume that either one of us may be queer. But that also means the erasure of my bisexuality. Family members have asked me if I'm no longer bisexual or queer since I'm dating a man. I know they don't mean to hurt me, but these misconceptions force me to constantly prove my sexuality.
It can be a constant battle, trying to prove your identity to yourself and everyone around you, but what I love most about my partner is that he doesn't make me feel like I need to prove anything to him. We know who we are, and we love each other for it.
Dating a man has not diminished my queerness. It has helped me understand it in a different light. I am a strong bisexual woman, and being in a straight relationship with a man I love does not change that.
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