in a funk :/
Hi hi-
I wanted to share some of my poetry & prose from the deepest pages of my journal.
Lately I've been in a depressive episode, and it’s always a struggle to pull myself from it. When this happens, I like to go back & read some of the pieces I’d write when I was at my lowest. Why would I do that, you ask? Why would I want to relive those feelings?
It reminds me of how bad it was, & how much I've allowed myself to grow and learn. I hope that reading this can raise similar feelings in yourself. You deserve to be reminded of the hard work you’ve put in to be where you are now.
Thank you, reader. Enjoy.
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untitled #7
all i ever was
was a good girl.
a girl who
knew the rules,
and followed them.
but did you see me at night?
how i put glitter on my eyes and cheeks,
and danced around my room
in nothing but my underwear?
did you notice the mascara stained
pillow case on my bed?
i wish I knew then
what I know now.
at least
i still know how
to dance.
-
am i ready to be loved again?
i don't think
i even love myself
i don't like myself
i don't like the cards i've been dealt
i don't know why i am loved
what is there to love
what is so special about me
what makes you think
i could offer you anything at all
what makes you think
i would ever
be enough for you
i don't hate you
i love to love
but i don't know if I can be
loved.
i don't know if I deserve to be.
-
where do i feel things?
well
i feel anger in my chest
and sadness on my shoulders and neck
i feel anxiety in my lungs
and regret in my stomach
i feel unsure
in my legs
and wise
in my throat
but god
what i feel the most
is confusion
in my heart.
i feel everything, all at once sometimes
sometimes,
i feel nothing,
nothing at all
it runs like a virus
it explodes from my extremities
one day i’ll have mastered the power
that i hold within
myself.
-
gold is my name
Gold jewelry on my neck
And ears
Brown hair with a tinge of red
I like to dress however i want
And i'll make sure you notice
But you'll never see
How i romanticize
My feminine melancholic daze
How its the only thing
Keeping me going sometimes
Or how hard i can love someone
But how easy it is for me
To second guess myself
Because every time i get too close
It ends in disappointment
I want you to be different
I wanna wear you around my neck
Effortlessly
I'm not asking you to fit my mold
But to at the very least, see it
I'll put my rings on
hands wet with tears
And tell you the very next second
Just how much i love you
Because I do.
And even thru the thickness of my past
Becoming my present
I want to choose you.
-
I’d love to read someone else’s poetry for once. Please send me the pieces you’ve written. I’d love to analyze them here. DM me on IG @zoeeuhh.
xo, zo
