may ‘23 update: retrograde must be ending or something…

Hey Hey. It’s been a while.

I haven’t written anything with any real purpose in a while, I’ve been really busy.

The last time we spoke, I was working a job that I dreaded going to.

I quit it. There’s nothing worse than a job you hate. I already don’t want to work, but I don’t wanna hate it. I no longer have enough room for hate in my heart.

I lost a pet.

Shark. Danni & I’s littlest addition to our animal family. He was a shining light in our dark apartment. He was a puppy, so playful and genuine. Danni found him and I couldn’t be there for her. Sometimes I can still hear his barks.

I had gotten back on my anxiety medication for the first time since january. I lowered my original dosage, and I’ve never felt better. So funny how I don’t need the higher dosage anymore.

I did see my family a lot though, and I needed that. I miss my home from time to time and struggle on how to stay connected to it.

I learned about sudden loss and what they meant when they said things will turn out okay.

But in unison,

In concert as a symphony, I saw a break in the clouds. I parted it with my hands and joined in the music.

I’m in love like I've never been. Who knew a gentle love was exactly how I needed to be loved. He’s patient and he’s teaching me that. He’s breathtaking and God, does he make me laugh.

I received my first royalty check after Turning Blood Into Ink was released. It wasn’t much but I feel eternally accomplished. I got hired somewhere with better pay and a better environment. I’m learning to feel grateful again. I feel security again.

We celebrated Danni’s 20th, and as you’re reading this, it’s Edwins 20th birthday tomorrow. Everyday with them is a day well spent and remembered. They’re the only ones who have stuck it with me this long, and we should celebrate their birth. I don’t know where I would be without them.

I miss writing you, and I have all this time. I needed some time to myself, and I got it.

I’ve been living a lot in the present. Typically I live in the future, but I'm learning not to. I’m learning the value of my days. Even when it's difficult to be alive.

I have no advice today, about anything, I'm figuring some shit out of my own. But there is something that's for sure.

I can feel myself growing. I am getting taller by the hour. And the best part is, I don't feel tied down by my surroundings. I did for so long. But when your environment evolves with you, it can make you feel invincible. It can make things feel like, like you're in the right place at the right time. And we all know, that's almost rare.

The only thing I can control in this life is myself, and my actions. So I’m going to let myself take the reins moving forward. I know, there are amazing things ahead.

Tell me what’s on your mind. DM me @zoeeuhh on IG