drawing the line.
I’ve seen a lot of friendships and relationships play out in my lifetime, both my own and the people around me. These don't always end well or with any specific reason, and sometimes it ends or stops without one or the other knowing about it. The reason that I am writing about this is because I've noticed so many of the relationships around me, romantic or platonic, often go undervalued. As humans, the relationships we make along the way of this life can be extremely rewarding and important, but when do you draw the line between good and bad relationships?
Recently I decided to follow Sarah Star’s writing prompts and wrote some private letters to friends and loves of my past. I realized in the middle of reminiscing, that these people- these relationships, good or bad, served me great purpose at the time, and maybe even carved & created the person I am today. Our experiences are what makes us who we are. Except for my elementary boyfriend. He has a baby now with a woman who looks just like me. I WON'T DELVE!!
I had a friend who, and I should say have because honestly I still hold them very dear, but they didn't have the decency to tell me in person or upfront that I’m not someone they “see themselves being friends with”. I didn't hear this from them and it made me sad, I must admit. Like you don't see yourself being friends with a bad bitch? You don't wanna be surrounded by bad bitches?
I really pride myself on taking care of my friendships and nurturing those I'm closest to, and so learning this wasn't just painful, but almost like a betrayal of some kind.
The line between good and bad relationships could not be clearer. It's a thick, bold line that you cannot miss with the naked eye. As one becomes deeply entwined in another person's life or profoundly invested in the relationship to the extent that it exerts influence over their overall well-being, social connections, and livelihood, your relationship has, slowly but surely, tippy-toed itself across into the “bad” side of the line.
But that's the logical standpoint. When examined through the lens of emotions and personal involvement, this boundary becomes increasingly subtle, even imperceptible. Clouded by a rose colored haze, you will not see this line until it is too late. And that… is a cannon event… I cannot interfere. Nothing I say, analytical, logical or not, will get through to you. Trust me. I used to live in that haze. My skin is still stained red.
This trope isn't exclusive to romantic relationships either. In fact, I've found that it hurts even more when it’s platonic. Lovers come and go. Friends are forever. That's more than likely why that stung me so bad. I have tough skin but, sometimes words make their way through.
So how do you know which side you're on? Examine your relationships, and see which ones serve you in a positive way. If you find yourself hovering over each side, decide what matters most to you: what you think feels good right now, and what will serve you a greater purpose in the long run.
Is this situationship that you go in a brutal back and forth with really all that worth it? Or are you sacrificing parts of yourself to make it so? But Zoe, who cares about the long run, I wanna do what feels good now! That's great! Are you happy? Your answer to that question will put the rest into perspective.
A lot of my friends are very upfront with their feelings, and their lives, and that’s how we've learned to avoid drama and he said-she said shit. I used to be friends with people who loved to create something out of nothing. Those friends did not serve me. They did not add anything positive to my life, they did not bring anything to the table. I am someone who wants to surround myself with love and understanding. Coming from a home that sometimes lacked it, I want to be able to trust my friends of all people with that kind of dynamic.
I'm old enough to know I deserve that. And the best is out there waiting for you.
xo, zo
