you asked, i answered! #1
Hello hellooooo cuties!
This past week has been absolutely amazing. I know there's a couple signs retrograding hard right now, but damn i must be out of that loop because i’ve been feeling so accomplished and certain in myself and it feels so good. I’ve been writing nonstop, and I feel like me again.
So I'm starting this segment here that I'll do once a month called “You asked, I Answered!” where I respond to anonymous written submissions. I needed to change some of y’alls wording around to keep it anon so if you see your submission and you're like uhmmmm that's not my submission verbatim - that’s why. Protecting my readers at all costs.
Thank you to everyone that reached out, I didn't respond to everything but just know i definitely read it and all my love is with you.
Want to submit something 100% anonymously for September’s Issue? Submit through the home page!
Oh honey. I’m very hesitant about talking about this because I feel like it can also be so subjective to everyone's relationship. I’d say the only reason this desire would ever cross my mind is if…. my guy was a total dud. Because let’s be real, we see plenty of boyfriends posting about their relationships so we know for a fact it’s not that fucking hard.
But I've also heard the debating argument that some guys just don’t post or utilize instagram like that, which can be very true. If I were you, and this is something that meant a lot to me, I would make sure to voice that to him. And if he posts on his IG constantly and is hella active but still doesn’t want to post about you or your relationship, LOSE HIM.
Guys like that usually have something to hide, whether that be you, or hiding someone else from you. Communicate your wants, even if it's something little like that.
Think smart, but don't lose your sanity to paranoia. That never got anyone anywhere.
Girl if i knew, i would tell you straight up. I'm still learning this myself. It’s fucking HARD. You hold yourself to high expectations, but feel like you’ll never reach them. As a 20 year old, I feel like there’s somewhere I need to be financially as well as in my career right now. Truth is, nobody knows what they're doing, ever.
It’s my first time being 20, what the fuck am I supposed to know!
No one gave me a guide to this shit, I'm just figuring it out as I go along. Now, being a woman in her 20’s is completely different than just being 20. Women are held to different standards by default, so multiply the weight of being 20 by 20, and that is the standard.
But as we girls do, we will prosper regardless.
Make those promises to yourself, and don't worry too much about your present.
Your future is within arms reach.
I’ve seen a lot of debate around this “saying” and honestly i'm on the fence about it, but leaning more towards the very real truth it holds. It’s simple. If he wanted to, he would… right?
If you’ve applied this to every relationship you’ve had, and each time they fail to love you the right way, there is nothing wrong with cutting them loose. Standards are essential to modern dating and everyone should have them because you deserve the best love that’s out there.
Sometimes this means you’re gonna be single for a while, and that's ok.
But what if your guy just won’t get the fucking hint? All you're asking for is flowers and maybe a goodmorning text! - without explicitly asking of course. However, I have this little thing that grounds me when i start to think that way.
Our boys are boys, at the end of the day. They are notoriously oblivious to romantic gestures and the meaning they hold to us. It’s not something they're doing wrong, that's just their charm, and we gotta love 'em for it, if for nothing else than for the fact that they are human. And they will fuck up. If you’re in love with someone, and you keep drilling this statement in your head, you may never be satisfied. And the want to be content & protect my peace means more to me than being upset over things I can't control.
Approach everyone with understanding & compassion, even if they don’t deserve it. I hope maybe that changes your perspective.
Since i was 13, my father and i’s relationship was always rocky. I began to form my own opinions, while simultaneously forming boobs, probably scaring the fuck out of him because this could only mean one thing to a father… the loss of his little girl. While becoming a young woman is something i couldn't avoid, the rupture of my relationship with my father was. I regret not considering and nurturing it more, but it's still a two way street.
I understand everyone's situation is different, so im not going to tell you to just say fuck it and forgive your parents regardless of what happened. That's not always an option. But there are remedies nonetheless if you believe in it.
As their child, it can be so confusing, and really pressuring to feel like you need to be the one to fix things. My rule of thumb is, "as long as you try." As a stubborn girl born from stubborn parents, rebuilding a relationship can feel hopeless if I don't try to at least strike up the conversation. Meanwhile the same questions are going through my parents' heads, “what do i say, how do i say it, and what if they have a flight response?” In the end, we’re just trying our best to make things right.
These relationships are just as important, if not MORE than romantic ones.
Your parents are people too, and it's their first time being your parent. Hard truth is, they won't be around forever. Get to know them while they still are.
I'm not sure about the specifics of your sitch, but I can assure you that everything is going to work out regardless. Sometimes people are just not the right fit, and like I said, standards are a must. But i need to ask you some follow up questions.
Are you the one always breaking it off? - If no, continue to the next question. If yes: There has to be something holding you back from this person. You may not know it off the top of your head but if you do, it must be as simple as not being attracted to this person. That’s okay too, if you’re not feeling it, why waste one another’s time. Honesty is key, with that person and especially with yourself.
Are you hung up on someone else? - If no, continue to the next question. If yes:
WHEW. You may be a lost cause. The X-file is a rough one to open up about but sometimes necessary to move on. If you're hung up on an ex, or you keep dreaming of closure, you will NEVER be at peace with it. Not every break up comes with closure, and that's something you have to accept as you get older. It's okay to move on.
Do you truly want a relationship? Do you think you’re ready for one?
Now.. if you’re still on the fence about these questions, you may need to be single for a while. Get to know yourself, your needs, and what you want in your next relationship. If you simply are not the relationship type, that's okay too! We’re young, and the world has so much to offer. We have a lifetime to find out. The right one will stay and make it a point to.
I remember this feeling so distinctly, and if you're 19 and haven’t read my previous blog post about the transition from 19 - 20, check it out!
It’s not the worst thing to ever happen, honestly. It’s another age that you’re gonna be whether you want to or not. You don't need to grieve the loss of your teenage-hood. You’re still 16, 17, and 18, etc, you’re still allll those versions of you, because they are what’s made you- you. Transition into it with your best intentions, and you’ll have nothing to worry about love.
I’ve never experienced something like this, so thank you for reaching out and telling me about your experience. I can say off the bat that this is nothing to beat yourself up over. I actually had an old friend in highschool, when we all turned 18, she got engaged to a guy she met at her job, and nobody ever heard from her again. I'm sure she's fine, and living her suburban dream, but looking back at it… was that really what was best for her at 18? I mean, she wasn't pregnant, so this marriage was completely at will. Who’s to really comment on it though, as someone who isn't close to either parties? And as someone who doesn't know the details of your situation, I must say… It takes real courage to do what you did. You loved with no boundaries, and to the best of your ability. While you may have learned a lesson from this experience, nonetheless you were brave enough to take this next step with someone special. Whatever terms it ended on, there is one thing I wanna say… do not let this one experience derail future relationships. We only have this one life, this one chance to love and live to the fullest we can. You were able to share that with someone, and that is an amazing & wonderful thing. You should be utterly proud of yourself.
xo, zo
