Undeniably Woman
Do you ever have those moments that remind you that you are so shamelessly a woman? Moments that click you back into reality or suddenly make you extremely self aware, whether that be of you or the perception of you?
Sun’s down, and you’ve just parked your car in the Walmart (or Target) parking lot, and you didn't get a spot closer to the front like you hoped. You catch yourself clutching your keys, and looking behind your shoulder on the dark, quiet walk to the entrance.
It’s a night out with your friends, and you’re seeing a live show. You walk down the streets of downtown and hear somebody whistle as you enter the building. Your boyfriend with his arm around you doesn't seem to deter them either.
When your period stains your underwear & sheets, when your hair elastic breaks and it was your only one, or when you realize you are your father’s daughter after all.
Sometimes that's just the way it goes.
Nikki A. for ABC News.
There is a shared but unspoken truth all women know: There is a target on your back from birth.
Growing up I always knew to steer clear of strangers and creeps, and I used to always have my parents to protect me. Now I use my own judgment and have to protect myself. Every walk home from the car, every late gas run, every moment I'm alone in public reminds me that I am a woman and absolutely have to be aware of my surroundings at all times. This “have to” becomes a running theme in your life. You have to be smart, but don't undermine your peers. You have to be pretty but you can't try too hard and can't show too much skin, or else you’re a slut. You have to protect yourself, but God forbid you fight back– you could face life in prison. If you have time, I recommend reading the New Yorker’s article about Nikki Addimando’s story of how she killed her abuser in self defense and the We Stand With Nikki Movement that she sparked.
via: Vanity Fair x Savannah Walsh
Recently I watched Sofia Coppola’s Priscilla. I cried and couldn't help but feel her pain. Being separated from everything you know to be with a man, and watch him chase HIS dreams. Letting back into the bed you share knowing he is unfaithful. (my inner monologue —>) But Zoe!! If you love someone this is what you do for them!! you make sacrifices and give up your dreams to make them happy!! It will all be worth it one day!!
When is one day? Not only am I tired of waiting, I'm tired of the bullshit that is fed to wide-eyed young women everywhere, including myself. Watching Priscilla didn't open my mind to this fact, I knew it all along, and watching this story unfold of these two icons in a heart wrenching, high stakes relationship just raises the idea that this act of just staying is deeply rooted in a woman's narrative.
I can't help but notice the little things, too. There’s that big thing of how you're always at risk, and then there’s the little things you can't deny either. The good things.
When I was a teen, the older I got and the more I grew into my body, the more I felt like I wasn't allowed to be a woman, or fully even be myself. Teenage girls are under a lot of pressure as it is, but as my hips got wider, and my cleavage was getting harder and harder to dismiss, I felt almost as if I was going to be disciplined for growing up. Like I needed to be tough on the outside to ever be successful in life. That I couldn't let my femininity shine through my hard exterior in fear of putting myself in a position to get hurt. I'm still learning to unapologetically let myself be the woman I am.
One thing’s for sure, I will always stay for myself. I will always give my heart & soul to those I love and that is also something well engraved into a woman's narrative. In my narrative. I love to give. I love to nurture.
I live to love.
The breeze in my freshly washed hair on a Sunday. The tapping of my long, manicured nails. My everything shower. Applying mascara. The clack of my heels. The look in my love’s eye. The gold jewelry on my neck. My soft skin. The chokehold my gaze will put you in. My power.
Oh, how I love being a woman!
xo, zo
